What Men Want (and don't want) - AmberMay Post

A little less than a month ago, my lovely counterparts at AmberMay posted a blog entitled “What Women Want”. After reading that, I decided to do the same thing, only this time it’ll be what a 2012 man wants. Pay attention very closely ladies, because this list gets quite extensive. (Not really.)

Physical Attraction

We’ll start out with the most obvious for us men. And honestly, if anyone male or female disagrees with me, you’re lying to yourself. I hear all the time that girls get annoyed by the fact that men seem to pick women to pursue based on their looks.

DUH!

This isn’t rocket science. It’s human nature. And if you girls think you don’t do it, take stock of who you find yourselves interested in and see if you’re not attracted to any of them.

Attention

Whether we admit it or not, we want your attention. Sure, we know we’re supposed to be the big manly man who protects you, but every once in awhile, we like to be able to put our heads in your lap and have you stroke OUR heads for a bit, or ask about something we’re interested in, even if you could care less. Now, 90% of the male population probably wouldn’t ever say that in front of their friends, but get them in a closed environment and we’re all human, which means we crave security as well.

Space

WAIT! MIKE! You just said men want attention!! Okay, okay, calm down. Let me explain. Do YOU want a man who follows you around like a lost puppy dog, never lets you go out with your friends without making you feel like you’re doing something wrong and just overall smothers the shit out of you? No. I didn’t think so. We’re the same way! We still need to be able to live our lives, hang out with our friends and have a little bit of independence. My dad used to tell me that a good relationship is two independent people who CHOOSE to be together. Not need to be together. So, give your man a day off every now and then.

Communication

For the love of all that is sacred, please, don’t assume that we know what you’re thinking. Men and women are typically on two different wavelengths. We’re usually going to take things literally. So when you say “Sure, go out with your friends tonight!” Even though you’re thinking “We haven’t had a date night for weeks and I’d really like to spend time with you so now you’ll pay for this with a week of no sex and the silent treatment” there’s a reason we’re ridiculously confused. Just tell us. We’ll compromise.

On a similar note, I’ve often heard the “Just a text during the day to let me know he’s thinking of me.” I have two notes about that:

1. Make sure we’re aware you want that. Some of us are curious if we’re being overbearing or if you even want to hear that kind of stuff. No one (male/female) likes rejection of any kind.

2. Newsflash: WE LIKE IT TOO. Give and take kids. Give and take.

See, told you it wasn’t a very long list. I’m sure there’s other things, but when it comes down to it, most things can be lumped into these categories. Share this with all your guy friends and have them leave me a comment if they have anything to add to the list. And of course. I don’t profess to be the all knowing. Just majority knowing.

For a link to the actual blog: Click Here

This is what happens when a bunch of people put one word a piece to create a story...

So a bunch of friends and I decided it would be funny to create a Facebook status, and then each post a word or phrase as comments to create a story. This is what we came up with:

Once in a small town located upon a huge hill was a burley circus clown named Charlie. He loved chicken so frazzin' mucho that he then bought KFC for his donkey Steeeeelllllllllaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!! "Chomp, chomp. One bite every swallow" said his tongue. "How in Eureka," it spoke out "will ships ever teleport giants to Uranus?!"

Meanwhile just two miles down there, Charlies step moms-sisters-aunts-best friends-cousins- second uncle showed Charlie his hemorrhoids. "Gross" said his hooker mom who bungee-jumps naked, "Follow triceratops under cold clouds because if rain is toxic, monkeys will never mate with water buffaloes unless their cosmic bowling ball curves to the left."

"OUCH! Are you okay crouching?" said Thing 1 and Thing 2 while uni-cycling on a tightrope naked and drunk.
"Yes I am okay" said Charlie, not realizing that his hair was on fire. "HOLY SHIT! My hair! Now I won't be a woman!....This is such a traumatic blessing but I really wanted a vagina."

The Batcave exploded! "AAAAHHHHHH !!Robin was still in there!"
 "Say what?!"

The elephant danced while trunking his ladyphant on a golf tee. Suddenly Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson tangoed hopelessly with kumquats and tacos while serenading and attempting to revive Bambi's mom.
"We need more crack !"
"Plumber?"...Mario and Luigi 'shroomed last night. 14 hours of pure cosmic bowling. They roller bladed frantically on Highland Drive while dodging cream puffs.

"Pour some hot wax up my wazoo!"
"You mean kazoo Luigi?"
"Seriously?"
"Seriously Mario! Don't fuck that unicorn cause he uses old tampons to plug the volcano. Those fireballs will eat your first born child!"

Mario and Luigi committed suicide and then came back as Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, who play ice hockey for the New York Yankees, won a Tony for 'Fiddling with the little boys in room 208'.

Charlie was sent to prison for 16 counts of unnecessary falafel abuse. BBQ sauce was his favorite ice cream flavor. They discontinued five different fish smelling desserts. Mice adore Charlie while he sits and bites his leftover KFC and his brothers finger.

"Mashed potatoes make me horny! HORNY!"
"Garlic?"
"Oh yes garlic..."said Mary Kate.
"We can't be near it Mary Kate because we are twins which means we can't procreate, except during Lent between two slices of bread with mayo and mustard, sprinkled with sea-men."

The sandwich was delicious because it secretly had caviar...made them throw a monkey at the wall in Charlies jail cell.
"TURKEY!" cried Sttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! as she charged toward Hawaii in her Viking outfit accented by beautiful pink buffalo chaps.
"Fashion Week boobs are very very extraordinary" said the hooker mom to her gay son.

Stay tuned next week when we go for a week long thread. ;)

Apparently I need to start watching Eastbound & Down...

So, while listening to X96's Radio from Hell this morning, I heard this clip, and seriously laughed out loud at the ending part:

Good afternoon to everyone. I’m Kenny Powers. And if you’re here, then you’re someone Shane cared about, you’re someone Shane loved. Or maybe you’re just somebody who has no business being here at all. Who’s just here because you think it’s gonna make you more popular.

Like Ivan. Everyone’s wondering why you’re here, because you didn’t even know Shane. Don’t worry about it though. It’s cool. No one’s complaining.

You know, Shane and I used to f*ck around big time. We’d f*ckin’ party hard, ride our vehicles around, slay ass. We also watched alot of cinema films together. We loved the movie Top Gun, and often times we would joke with each other, who was Goose, and who was Tom Cruise.

Well, now that Shane is dead, I guess we know who is Goose. Shane is Goose, because in that motion picture Goose dies. So, Shane is dead, so he would be Goose, and that would make me Tom Cruise.

I’m Tom Cruise guys.

-Kenny Powers (Eastbound and Down)

You're welcome for sharing.

Why do you read a blog?

So as I continue my efforts to try and actually write, I found myself thinking about my blogroll. I tend to go through phases of things that I read. I'll add a bunch of blogs thinking that I'm going to keep up on it, but then when I go to my newsfeed I see that I have 100 new articles to sift through, and I don't actually end up keeping up on them.

So I found myself thinking...what makes a blog worth reading? Is it entertainment? Is it content that I can apply to something I'm currently working on?

For me it's mainly the fact that I like to laugh while I'm reading. Obviously being in marketing and social media and all of that I do have some blogs I keep up on that keep me up to date on the latest and greatest, but even those I only read every so often.

So. What makes YOU read a blog? Or save it to an RSS Feed so you can always stay updated on it?

Can't life ever just level out?

This picture sums up my life currently. Sometimes I look at the page hits that my blog gets for the week and I think to myself "man, that's sort of how my entire life looks." It's up and down and up and down. Just when I think I'm getting things back on track, and I'm on a pretty steady uptrend, the next thing I know I get side swiped by something that knocks me back down a few pegs. I'm not entirely sure if it's supposed to be a consistent humbling process (I don't consider myself to be THAT arrogant...) or if it's just bad luck, but I'm sort of getting exhausted by the cycle. Hell, I don't even need to stay on a constant positive streak, I'd be content to have things level out for a bit.

On a related note, while I appreciate the sentiments of friends who chime in with an encouraging cliche here and there; it just doesn't help. I don't want to hear that "this to shall pass" or "things will get better friend!" It's mundane and over-rated. Anyone who's been in a down mood knows the feeling...sometimes you just want to be allowed to have a bad day.

So, what do YOU do when you're in a slump, or rut that you just can't seem to get out of? I'd love to know.

Why Utah Mormons disgust me.

So I came across this on my Facebook and it literally made me want to punch this kid in the face. I mean, honestly. How much more judgmental can you get? What the fuck is wrong with people these days? The LDS church teaches tolerance and proclaims love for all mankind from the pulpit. So...where exactly do these types get off doling out this type of advice. Make sure you click the link to check out what she was wearing as well.

Like I said. Kid. Face. Punch.

so its valentines night! and i was sitting in the business building... studying accounting. go figure. this random boy walks up to me and gives me what i thought was a love note.... turns out....

heres a link that shows what i was wearing: https://twitter.com/#!/brittanyjmo/status/169868004039987200/photo/1/large

 Absolute. Idiot. 

Whitney Houston dead at 48 (and why I don't care)

Whitney Houston died over the weekend at age 48. If you don't know that and are somehow reading this, you need to check your priorities. I mean, I'm flattered and all that you think you're going to stay updated on current events from my blog, but seriously. Look at your Twitter, or Facebook, or just Google "current events" or something.

The thing about Whitney's death that made me laugh (yes, I laughed) was that everyone was talking about how interesting it was that Twitter broke the story 27 minutes before any AP news channel did. Really? That's what's so interesting about the death of an icon?

Honestly, I'm not crushed by her death. I'm not shocked either. Look at the picture attached to this post and you'll understand exactly why. When's the last time that she's done ANYTHING relevant other than make the tabloids happier than Newt Gingrich if we landed on the moon? Her memory will always be tarnished by her drug abuse and her final days. Thankfully, for people like me, we can remember her as she was. Just listen to her music. There's absolutely no doubt that she was a force to be reckoned with. If you don't know any of her songs, you've been living under a rock for far too long. EVERYONE knows Whitney. Her vocal power and appeal were second to none back when she was on top.

So, we can all remember Whitney as she was. The powerhouse vocalist of old. Or, we can remember her as a cracked out has been. I dunno. They're both interesting to write about at least.